i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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