i wish semen tasted like chocolate
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Randomize
