I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
