you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
