I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
