Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
