my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
