and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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