If i come over, it means nothing
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
