There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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