Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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