How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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