just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
