a queef is a wish your heart makes.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
