did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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