things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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