if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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