Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
never play flip cup with pint glasses
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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