4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Every concussion has its silver lining
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Randomize
