I wanna bring you to show and tell
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
