Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
sarcasm needs its own font
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
