My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
