Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
