I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
