i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
