new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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