1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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