Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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