i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
