I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
