I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
