How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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