So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
