What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
