i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
