yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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