I want to make a zoo with you.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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