Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
id be glad to
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
