you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
