So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
