In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
