i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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