God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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