So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
