i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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