i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
