are you still at the devil's house?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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