YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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