i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
