I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
