i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
