I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
