i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
