He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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