My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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